You are You

Start with putting back together what you look like.

Erase the distorted view of who you are.

 

The disfiguration with amplitude that echoes

“lacking”

as a result of  believing the “oh poor you,”

hating, because you can’t see anything past the mess on your face.

 

Had to go back to October

to see the words that came out of my mouth

to remember the view before the distortion.

 

I felt the love again

towards the smile, the purity, the life and innocence glowing from the camera

because what I couldn’t see a few moments ago was emanating so clearly.

 

So I had to remind myself of what was important.

That there are thousands of different categories

and with your so few exposures

you’d make the mistake of believing that that’s all the categories there are

so when the inevitable low scores come in,

you focus on it so much

like a focal point of a magnifying glass against the sun

 

Heating up to create that burn

that you burn your face into a warp

and when that disfigurement is all you see

you hate, and believe and hate some more in between sobs

living in that vicious cycle that is devoid of any solutions.

 

I realize I needed that space,

the circle I draw ever so often

when the air becomes thick and the energies become debilitating.

The circle allows for clearer air passage to the brain

because you need oxygen in those travelling blood cells

for the identification of the issue.

That explains why I was irritant to songs that said “it’s okay, it’ll be alright”

because I didn’t know what I would be “alright” from.

 

When I turned off the video of me last October

I felt that familiarity again

bursting from inside me

I miss it so much,

that unexplainable euphoria

happiness that geysers.

 

The times I’m alone so I’m busy working

on some project I’ve created

and I’d spend hours even days, inside my walls

because I can’t separate myself from working on things I love so insanely.

 

The October me reminded me of the essentially of who I am.

I score so high on these categories

and I needed to water the scores on my face like those sprinklers that come on at random times

to wash away the mess on my face

my impaired vision to be cleansed

the distortion on my face to be repaired

so I can see beauty when I look at the reflection

 

if high is the best and many is the spread,

beauty is not how high you score compared to the next person

but rather it is how many you score compared to yourself.

 

It is the uniqueness, the individuality, the masterpiece you absentmindedly created

as a product of the amalgamation of your genes, your environment and your reaction towards events.

 

It is fulfilment each morning

when you wake up because mercy comes with the morning light

it is satiety each day

when you breathe the hours of the day because grace abounds

it is repletion each night

when you go to bed because love overflows.

 

Remember who you are

not the best, because there are bests anywhere and everywhere you go

but the different, because that’s your constant irrespective of place or time.

 

You are unique

a blueprint specifically designed for you

you are individual

you are you.

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