When you look at stars in the night
or the street lights
and feel alone.
And wonder what it feels like
to cease to exist
and think you’re not worth it.
That everything about you
feel like half-done jobs
halfway and never complete.
And think how those around you
have more skills, more talent and more drive
and wonder if the pinpointing of you was a mistake.
How good is God
when He pops up at the right time.
When he sees how you’re unsatisfied
He moves His hand once again
to remind you that He’s not human
and won’t ever lie or make mistakes.
In my finite mind
I’m always looking at my lack in everything.
I never believe,
and even when I do, it’s like a flicker of a lighter
just a second I’m passionate
and the next, I’m obsolete.
Last night my candle light
was about to be blown out by the wind,
and I was about to accept unbelief in things like destiny.
But I dreamt about a manual.
A guy read a manual for Joy Kids Youth Club.
A lady read a manual for Joy Kids Youth Club.
And I was in the Greyhound bus alone, and it flipped,
and with my weight I balanced it,
and I didn’t die.
I heard that dreams sometimes are a manifestation
of your subconscious state.
Maybe may subconsciousness was opposing
the idea of a candle light blown out in the wind.
Or maybe God was stopping the wind
from blowing out my candle light.
In any case,
I’m rest assured.
That nothing about me is a mistake.
Including variables that I dislike and feel insecure about.
Like this unacknowledged tendency
to dislike “close” and “far”
with unrealistic expectations to find a moderate mark.
Even the two sides of a coin,
real soft, weak and incapable, and the other side, super aggressive, fighter and an eagle.
life has never made more sense
than this moment.
God is Good,
and His word never ever changes.
It’s living and powerful, sharper than any two edge sword,
piercing even to the division of soul and spirit
and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of thoughts and intents of the heart.
That means His Words and promises,
will not miss,
blessings will not die
whether or not you’re alive,
His Words on your life will come to pass.
Like when Joseph told the Israelites
to carry his bones to the promise land.
Whether or not he was alive was irrelevant
it still happened.
our skins shed, and we die like grass
but His Word remains and will remain for eternity.
So no more unbelief
because He makes no mistakes
Let’s wake up from our slumber, dancing in the wind like vanity,
Let’s open our eyes from this long sleep that had us imprisoned.
Let’s wake up now, and follow what He said in the beginning
when you were in your mother’s womb,
and when He saw you at 23, 45, and at 72.
When He saw you in front of the discovery of gold deposits,
and in front of cases won,
and in front of orphanages built,
and in front of patients just avoiding death.
In front of cocoa plantations, and businesses,
and computer stuff, and theme parks and apps,
Nepal and Saudi Arabia , and everywhere else on the planet.
So when you look at the stars in the night
and the street lights
don’t feel alone.
Rest assured that He’ll never leave you, nor forsake you.
He is not a man that He will ever make mistakes,
Doubting your composition only means doubting Him.
Don’t let your candle light die out
no matter how hard or incomplete it feels.
Just close your eyes,
because that is how you keep your candle light burning.