To not detach,
but not attach either.
Can’t be an island because that encourages insanity
but can’t be a stadium because I suffocate in too much noise.
I would like to learn to become solid,
like building blocks of bricks that make up buildings that create an empire.
It’s not tiresome, but the drops of insincerity started to weigh too much on the surface of my soul.
This is the idea.
To keep at bay everything,
and only allow genuine cheerfulness no matter how shallow,
and if I end up crying at night, it will only make me stronger.
I’m fed up with insincerity.
The forced smile, but I can’t blame either because it could be argued
that I unintentionally untangled and walked away.
I was sad before but I think I’ve shifted.
Really if I can’t feel the essentiality, it’s all vanity.
I’ve finally done what I wished I could’ve done but couldn’t before,
to have been brave enough to untangle, and to have been strong enough
to scratch out things that deteriorated me.
So I don’t care anymore,
if my guts make your skin crawl, or your nerves shriek.
I don’t care if you roll your eyes or feel like I don’t matter in your covalent bonding.
If my accomplishments make you respect but hate me still,
I’m so over your opinions, and I’m over it, I’m over it.
I’ve finally done what I couldn’t before.
Hibernation helped a lot, it taught me I can live
without having to smile with violation
or with laughter that doesn’t reach my eyes.
Surprisingly, completeness can come after sadness.
Like sunshine after the rain.
So I feel complete and full,
and sincere to myself now finally.