Today is the scariest and most exciting day of my life so far.  I made a huge decision today.  It’s like there’s a huge scale in front of me, and on the balance of probabilities, one side is falling to the ground and crashing and it hurts and I’m scared, and the other side is skyrocketing and it’s beautiful and it’s overwhelming.

I’m so happy I think I’ll cry.  I’m 23.  Three years from now I’ll be 26.  Why start again from there when I can start now?

I’m scared but I feel like my feet are leaving the ground.   Like standing on a cliff and jumping down, because you know the fall will force your wings to spread, so you can learn to fly.

I’m choosing a road that doesn’t have what you call stability.  I originally had a backup plan.  But this time that backup plan looks like it’s crashing and burning. I can see my favourite lecturer saying good luck in your future endeavours.  Feels like the stormy, windy scary roads are calling me. It feels more than right, it feels overwhelming.

I know it involves a lot of faith.  I guess this is where I have to completely depend on God now.  I can see the momentous picture ahead of me, but I can also see the great wavering bridge that according to so many cases before, have broken and fallen into the rough waters below.  That is the reason for my hesitation in letting go of the safety net and walking out of my comfort zone.

Argh! How could the scary windy road feels so overwhelmingly suiting? How?  I’m scared, but I want to just close my eyes and fly into the storm. Deep inside, beyond my doubts and fears, I have this assurance that no matter how crazy it looks, there is a God in Heaven that won’t let go of me, or forsake me.

The lyrics of Overwhelmed by Big Daddy Weave goes well with this situation.

“I delight myself in You
In the Glory of Your Presence
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You

And God I run into Your arms
Unashamed because of mercy
I’m overwhelmed, I’m overwhelmed by You”

Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.– Psalm 37:4

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” – Matthew 19:26

Okay, well here we go.  がんばれヴァネッサちゃん❣ファイト‼ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! 😀



One thought on “Roads

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