Adult Today

I have to adult today.  No more running away from responsibilities. 

For the past few days I felt desperately overwhelmed. So I played this game, where I pictured my issues and responsibilities vanishing into thin air.    I wanted them to disappear so badly I actually acted as though they were non-existent. I let 48 hours flow by like an intensely flooded river.  I dreamed about alternative narratives- like not being a law student, and actually studying something more related to arts.  Something more rewarding like music or languages.  Things that would spark passion in me.   

But I realize that mindset is me taking the easy road.  Dad instilled this idea in me when he once mockingly said “taking the easy way out”.  I battled it so hard because I felt defensive.  Truth was he was right.  Conquering the harder things is where the real gold is.  Things that come naturally to you, granted should be cultivated.   But they are not the things you should be spending inordinate amount of time focusing on at this stage. They clearly would need less work to turn them into masterpieces.  The real skill is turning something you’re not the strongest in, into your forte.  That should equip you with both your learned skills and your passions. 

So this is the reality.  It’s 6:30 am and I am yet to go to bed.  For a day I ignored the things I needed to do to the point where I spent hours fantasizing about different variations of my life.  Things that pertained to easier, and a more comfortable life.  Problem with that is, it shows immaturity.  The lack of willingness to grow up and act my age.  Running away from things you don’t want to do is not adult.  It’s childishness.  Continuing in this fashion evidently says you are not ready for the amazing future you actually dream of. 

This is reality.  Responsibilities.  Obligations.  Issues that I need to overcome.  This is reality.  Lists of things that need to be crossed out.  Tasks that need to be accomplished.  This is reality.  Ambition and vision can spark you for a few seconds, but it’s the ability to consistently push the wheels and put in the work that brings goals and dreams to fruition. 

Yes, this girl is adulting today.

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